Showing posts with label Goddess. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Goddess. Show all posts

Friday, April 20, 2012

A Healing Intention

three green candles for healing, anointed with bergamot oil for uplifting and joy
black salt for banishing and soaking up negativity
cedar smudge to purify the space
moonlit water for the new moon--a time of banishing the weakness that imprisons
stones for grounding and stillness, for reaching the quiet energy of Earth
sweetpea flowers for a reminder of beauty in a world of turmoil
goddess figurine for a reminder of Mother's love and comfort when a mother slips away into Her arms
arctic water carrying the love and intention of a northern friend
cards:
rainbow: blessings
Gaia: nurturing
love: compassion


Blessed be the suffering and overwhelmed.

Tuesday, January 3, 2012

Let's get real, please.


Goddess? Or fertility charm? Does it matter?


This article was recently posted on Witchvox, a site that publishes the voices of Pagans everywhere.  I am dancing a little dance of anthropology major joy because this information REALLY needs to be spread through the Pagan community.  The basic gist of it is this: No, we did not start out as a matriarchal society full of peace and love and goddessy things, and NO the world was not conquered by Indo-Europeans who abolished the Mother in favor of a brutal Sky God.  Mother HAS been shoved in a corner by many cultures, but the reasons are varied and complex.
That does not mean that the religions we practice today are not completely valid.  The eight sabbats, for instance, while each comes from some kind of ancient roots, were never all celebrated by the same culture at the same time.  Wicca was created just last century.  Age does not make a religion valid.  What makes it valid is the magic it brings into the life of its follower, the good it creates in the world, the transformation it can bring about to end the suffering of an individual.  Please read this article from Witchvox too.
So please, let go of your need for ancient lineages and just accept your magic and wholeness based on its own merits.  There are so many things from our history we do NOT want to repeat.

Your religion is only less than ancient if you consider time linear, anyway.  The organic curves, circles, and cycles of Nature and Life should be teaching us that linear time is only an illusion.  But that's a whole other post.  So love your religion, embrace your fierce divinity, and let the past stay in the past.  And PLEASE stop spreading the myth of the goddess culture as if it's been proven by found evidence because it's only hurting us and making many of us seem foolish to those who might otherwise be open to the healing love we could be sharing.

Thursday, December 29, 2011

Tree Soul Connection

I've spent some much needed time wandering the paths through the redwoods at Armstrong Grove.  I've done this barefoot as much as possible, so as to stay connected to Earth and Gaia.  The energy I can feel flowing in my veins is electrifying, and I feel it often.  I sat near one old redwood for some time, with my baby niece wrapped to my chest.  I wanted to reach out and touch the hollowed out inside, but the energy was so strong, so incredible, that I closed my eyes and just let it surround me as I breathed it in.  The breath of the ancient tree filled my lungs with the solid strength that I can sense whenever I slow down enough to contact the essence of a tree.  Majestic strength and wisdom emanate from the redwoods.  My very cells have been affected, building blocks of a chlorophyll spirit spreading through my muscles, bone, and sinew.  My singing blood carries a new charge, and I walk around constantly on the verge of tears of joy. 




 I dread the return to the desert with its bleak and harsh landscape of rocks and dirt, or forced landscapes fed by sprinklers.  I dread the loss of this constant influx of energy.  However, wisdom dictates the opposition of life.  I have glutted myself on divine feminine energy, association with others who love Goddess, mementos and charmed things lovingly crafted by true artisans, and the swirling energy of the trees with which I have been surrounded for two weeks.  It has been a beautiful time, filled with healing and love.  Tree and Sprout have had a wonderful and (mostly) relaxing time here as well.  It is time to return to reality, armed with new strength and determination.

Thank you, ancient ones.

Sunday, December 18, 2011

Sacramental Gratitude


sacrament.jpg

I am changing some words to the sacrament prayer in my head while it is being spoken aloud by the young men dressed in their crisp white shirts and colorful ties.  They mostly look bored, sitting up there.  I wonder if it would be any different if the young women were allowed to bless the sacrament.  Most likely they'd be hard-pressed not to giggle and flirt.  But as impressed as I am by some of the serious faces of those young men--the ones who take their priesthood responsibilities seriously, and feel the weight of the mantle they have been given--I am still an outsider, listening to a prayer said to a male god, about a male god, by males.  And so I change the words.  Just a little bit.  And the overlapping sound of the spoken prayer and my own words make it simply perfect for me.  Oh Goddess, the Eternal Mother, I thank you also, for the gift of your Son.  I know You were a part of that great plan, a wise and glorious designer, a loving mother, an Eternal Guide.  I acknowledge You as the Mother of my Savior and Redeemer, my Comforter, my Brother, my Friend.

Oh Goddess, the Eternal Mother Oh God, the Eternal Father, we ask thee, in the name of thy son, Jesus Christ, to bless and sanctify this bread, to the souls of all those who partake of it, that they may eat in remembrance of the body of thy Son oh Goddess, the Eternal Mother Oh God, the Eternal Father…

I take the bread reverently, feeling a small atom of what it must be like to sacrifice a son, and I clutch mine tightly for a moment as I hope I am never asked to watch him sacrifice himself--whether that be physically, emotionally, mentally, spiritually… Thank you, Mother.  Help me to be more like you.

Friday, December 16, 2011

Blessed Yule


Triple Moon in tree Pictures, Images and Photos

As we near Yule, and the turning of the season from old to new, dark to light, and cycle into a new year full of possibility and opportunity, I want to reflect on this past year.  It has been full of so much heartache and fear, worry and guilt, and stress that never seems to go away.  But it has also been full of magic.  I have searched for and  am starting to find my Mother, my Goddess, the other half of my Creator.  I have formed new friendships and forged strong bonds with those who  think and feel so much like I do.  I've made local connections with wonderful people in this desert land that I never thought I could love.  I have embraced my own power, and I have largely cast off the fear of my blended path.  I am making it work, and I am feeling guidance in unexpected places that lead me nearer to Christ.  An empty spot in me has started to fill with warm and wonderful things.
My new perspectives on the gospel have led me through some doubt-ridden and twisty paths, but I am finally starting to heal my testimony, to grow a fantastic new one that has room for all the joy and none of the guilt.  I am eager to serve my brothers and sisters, and I am finding the patience to deal with flaws I find in the structure of the church.  My perspective on repentance has changed from one of fear of disappointing my Parents to one of pragmatic progression.  I know my Parents love me and accept me the way I am, and they already know my every weakness.  If I walk too close to the edge and fall, They will catch me and guide me to a better way as They look on in love and encouragement.  My search for passion and authenticity is no longer a forbidden road that causes anxiety.
I am using my magic without shame, and finding scientific explanations and wild speculation in the realm of quantum physics to see the magic and possibility in everything.  There is so much for which we can hope and dream. The beautiful women in my area that I have started to consider family have held my hands as I have ventured from my safe and warm cocoon of checklists and fear-inspired close-mindedness.  I have moved from a place where I cried in desperation to feel any kind of real spiritual connection, to a place where I have found that connection in fire and water and wind, in the voices of the trees around me, in the touch of the gentle hands of an energy worker who has nothing but love in her heart. 
The Sunday school lesson on the pure love of Christ sinks into my newly opened and joyful heart, and I run to share it with my dear friends who were not there to hear the wonderful news of an empathetic and loving Savior who wants to carry us and heal us so we in turn can heal those around us as we become sources of His light in this world.    
Many of the hardships of this year will not be going away any time soon, and there are more to come.  As the moon wanes into the end of the year, I will be purifying my heart, and inviting Christ to reside there more permanently as I symbolically cleanse the anger and resentment from the past year from my soul.  The new moon on Christmas Eve will be a time of new beginning, of self-love, of power, and courage.

Blessed be, and Happy Yule!    

Monday, December 5, 2011

If John were Johanna...

I had a great Sunday--the first positive church visit in a while.  I adore my Sunday School teacher, and she has said several things that lead me to believe she travels on paths not always recognized by the correlated church.  More on her later.
For now, I'm going to put down some scriptures that were absolutely exquisite once I re-gendered them.  This is not to say they weren't exquisite before, I just love the way they look now.  Without further adieu...

3:1-3

1 Behold, what manner of love the Mother hath bestowed upon us, that we should be called the daughters of Goddess: therefore the world knoweth us not, because it knew her not.

2 Beloved, now are we the daughters of Goddess, and it doth not yet appear what we shall be: but we know that, when she shall appear, we shall be like her; for we shall see her as she is.

3 And every woman that hath this hope in her purifieth herself, even as she is pure.

4:7-12
7 Beloved, let us love one another: for love is of Goddess; and every one that loveth is born of Goddess, and knoweth Goddess.

 8 She that loveth not knoweth not Goddess; for Goddess is love.

 9 In this was manifested the love of Goddess toward us, because that Goddess sent her only begotten Son into the world, that we might live through him.

 10 Herein is love, not that we loved Goddess, but that she loved us, and sent her Son to be the propitiation for our sins.

 11 Beloved, if Goddess so loved us, we ought also to love one another.

 12 No woman hath seen Goddess at any time except them who believe. If we love one another, Goddess dwelleth in us, and her love is perfected in us.


Saturday, November 19, 2011

If Heaven has a Speakerphone...

We've been told that we shouldn't pray to Heavenly Mother. We've been told that we don't need to pray to Her, because She can hear whatever we tell Father.

The one in heaven is probably white. Or gold.
Alright then, I'm beginning to picture some kind of speakerphone arrangement:

And if there is a speakerphone in heaven, and they are both listening, then why does it matter which name I say when I call?

Because sometimes a woman just needs a heart to heart with another woman. It's not a lack of love for our fathers or for men in general. It is a need to connect with someone who is like ourselves: someone in whose image we are made and like whom we expect to become.

 Mama, can you hear me?

Friday, November 4, 2011

Another look at Eden...by Jena



This gorgeous story was written by my dear friend Jena.  I find it much more realistic than the biblical version.


“Hawwah, my daughter... awake and arise.”
The warm, familiar voice stirred the young woman from her sleep.   The night air was humid and warm around Hawwah as she opened her hazel eyes in the darkness.  Moon shadows played across her dark bronze skin as she sat up in the wide crook basin created by the spreading branches of the tree she and her husbad had chosen for the night.  She glanced at him, seeing that he slumbered still.  The voice had not awakened him.  Nor did he stir as it came a second time, softly beckoning her.
“Hawwah.”
“Coming, Mother.”
Hawwah slipped between two boughs thicker than her round hips and climbed to the ground.  She turned as her feet met the spongy leaf litter around the roots, following the direction from whence she’d heard the voice.  The grove was thick with the sweet smell of ripe fruit and dew-dampened grass, her legs leaving feathery swirls in the mist that clung near the ground as she made her way toward the lowering moon.  Skirting a final tree, she heard her name once more.
“There you are, my dear Hawwah.”
The woman before her stood a little taller, her skin the tones of madrone wood and her hair the colors of late autumn.  She emanated light in such a way that the moon beyond her appeared to be her mirror.  Hawwah smiled and ran to her, being received into her Mother’s loving embrace.
“Why are you here, Mother?”
“I wanted to tell you how proud I am of you.  You and Adam have both grown very smart and capable and good.”
“Thank you.  We’ve been trying very hard.”
“You have, and your Father and I are very pleased.  However, there is something bigger yet in store for you.  Come.  Follow me.”
Mother led Hawwah through the trees, further into the west, further into the densest portion of the grove.  Hawwah brushed her palm against the bark of each trunk she passed it, gazing up into the blue and silvered boughs, guided onward by the radiance of Mother no matter which way she looked.  Soon, the trees came so closer together that she had to weave between them, twisting and bending her hips around  the lowest branches to avoid them.  Just as the way came near impassable, the forest opened up into a round clearing with the moon just touching the opposite canopy.  In the center of the clearing stood a loose circle of six fruit trees: three of one variety, three of another.  Hawwah turned to give her Mother a questioning look.
“Do you know where we are, my daughter?”
“I do.  This is the part of the grove we were told not to enter, and those are the trees we’re not supposed to eat from because they would hurt us.”
“That is correct.  Your bodies were not able to withstand their strong medicine when you were younger.  Now, you have grown and matured, and you can endure it.”  Mother approached the trees, slowly circling them as Hawwah kept in step by her side.  “You are both strong and able-bodied, but you are also strong in mind and spirit.  You have been diligent in your learning and your observations.  You’ve made some very smart connections, and you’ve been obedient to the rules We have given you.  The time has come, however, for you to take the next step.”
“The next step?”
“I have noticed your growing frustration.”  Mother smiled.  “I understand.  You want to go beyond this valley and see the world.  You have seen the small huts in the hills past the ridge line--yes, I know you’ve been up there--but you’ve been very good and have remained here, where it is safe, where you have grown.  You will have all the more advantage when you leave this place.”
“We’re leaving?”  Trepidation and excitement fluttered up through Hawwah’s chest, lending a quiver to her voice.
“If you choose to, yes.  You are ready.  Adam is ready.”
“Adam does not wish to leave.  He likes it here, too much.  It is an easy place to live and very beautiful, and we both love to be so close to you and Father.”
“I know, my child.  I know.  But it is time to move forward.  It is time to explore, to meet new people and learn new things.  This is what you were made to do.  This is what we have prepared you both for through all these years.”
They had come full circle and Mother stopped, turning to reach up and pluck a fruit from one of the trees.  “Here.  This will be my gift to you, and in turn, it will be your gift to Adam, and from you both it will be your gift to the world.”
Hawwah took the fruit, her fingers running across its taut, leathery, crimson skin.  She examined its surface a moment before returning her gaze to her Mother.  “We will not be able to return, will we?”
“No, my dear.  Not in this lifetime.”
“Can we still talk to you and Father?”
Her Mother smiled, her lips pressing tightly together and her eyes suddenly brimming with tears like starlight.  She hugged her daughter tightly, folding her close against her shoulder and bosom.  “Please!  Yes.  Please do.  Oh please never stop talking to us, my dear one.  Tell Adam never to stop talking to us.  Tell your children never to stop.  We love you so much, Hawwah.  You are our precious ones.  You have such important work to do.  The people out there need you so badly.  They are just as precious to us, but theirs has been a very, very different path.  You two, you are our beacons.  The others, they cannot walk with us as you do.  They do not know us as you do, not yet.  You are to teach and instruct and help and raise wonderful, beautiful children and tell them all never to stop talking to us.”
Hawwah’s own tears stained the glimmering silver fabric of her Mother’s robes as she clung to her.  She didn’t want to leave this place where she could be with her Parents.  She wanted to stay, but Mother was right.  She yearned for the land beyond the horizon, for its sights and its people.  She longed to hear their songs and their stories and learn their ways and taste their food.  She wanted to know them.  She could not do that by staying in this valley, no matter how safe, easy, or pleasant.
Several minutes passed as the women embraced before the moment came when they both loosened their holds at the same time.  Hawwah looked at her Mother and heaved a sigh.  The moon had fallen far below the tree tops now.  Behind her, the first bird made its chirp and trill.  Dawn was coming.  She knew that it was time to return to Adam.  She looked again at the fruit in her hand.  “How do I open it?”
“You must pierce its skin with your nails.  Inside you will find its seeds.  They are bittersweet, but they are good medicine.  It is your decision when to eat them, but do not let the fruit rot with your hesitation.”  Mother leaned forward and kissed her daughter on her crown and again on her brow.  “I love you, Hawwah.  Deeply and forever.  Never forget that, my daughter.”
“I will not forget, Mother.  I love you, too.”  Hawwah took her first steps backward, back to the east, back toward the edge of the trees through which they had passed before.  She knew she must leave Mother there, but she kept her gaze upon her as long as she could before making her careful way back through the sea of branches.  She clutched the fruit to her bare chest, whether to protect it or be protected by it was hard to say, holding it there even as she began to run when the trees thinned out once more.
The growing light of morning washed everything in a dark gray as she returned to the tree where she and Adam had their nest for the night.  The stem of the fruit was held in her teeth to free her hands as she ascended into its branches and settled herself again beside her sleeping companion.  He wasn’t even aware of her absence.  She smiled at him, admiring his strong brow and full lips, and the curly black hair that she couldn't help running her hand over.  Her dear, sweet, good Adam.
It was her touch that finally roused the man’s faculties enough to open his eyes enough to see her, giving her a sleepy smile.  “You’re up early.”
“I went for a walk with Mother.”
“Mmm,” he muttered, interrupting himself with a yawn as he flopped an arm across her crisscrossed legs.  “Fun?”
“Not really,” Hawwah said quietly.  Adam’s eyes opened more and he looked up at her.  “I always enjoy being with her, but it wasn’t very fun.”
“What did you do?”
“She led me to the think part of the grove to the west, to the clearing where the trees are that we’re not supposed to use.”  Hawwah looked at the fruit in her hand.  “She gave me this.”
Adam sat up, inspecting the object in her hands by the growing light.  “Is that... one of the fruit that we were told would hurt us?”
“Yes.  Mother gave it to me and said we were strong enough for it now.  She said it was up to me when to open it and eat.  I think... we will have to leave this place once we have.”
“No.”
“Adam...”
“Father told us not to eat that fruit, that we would die after eating it.  I don’t want to die.  And I don’t want to leave.”
“Mother said we’re ready.  She said we’re strong enough, so maybe it won’t kill us.  She said we’re supposed to go out into the world and meet the people that are out there and teach them about her and Father, and be... beacons, and have children and teach them, too.”
Her reasoning didn’t seem to set him completely at ease, but he was listening.  “I don’t know...”
“Adam... I love you.  You love me.  Mother and Father love us both, and they love those people.  They made us for this.  We’ve been prepared.”  She placed her hand over his.  “It’s time.”
“I’m afraid.”
“I am, too.”
Adam considered in silence a minute longer.  Around them, the songs of birds were growing in enthusiasm and volume as though willing them to break open the fruit.  At length, he met her gaze again.  “It is your decision.”
Hawwah nodded, taking back her hand.  She eyed the fruit one last time before digging her nails into its flesh.  Bright red droplets squirted out, staining her fingers.  Both of them jumped and Adam grabbed her hand.  “Are you hurt?!”
“No,” she assured him, taking her hand back gently and peering at the liquid.  “I think it’s just the juice.”  She dug into the skin again, pulling it back to reveal a tight cluster of brilliant red seeds.  More of them burst as she tried to dig them out, splattering them both and drawing out nervous giggles.  Finally, she held a small handful in her fingers.  They were like nothing she’d ever seen.  She gave Adam a brief glance before tilting her head back and dropping a few into her mouth and biting down.
Bittersweet was right!  Hawwah’s face crumpled in a surprised wince.  The flavor was so strong at first, she wondered if she’d somehow been strung by an unseen insect.  Adam watched her with alarm as if incredulous that she expected him to partake as well.  After a moment, though, the sharpness began to wear off and she could taste the sweetness of the juice as well.  It was still a potent mixture, but not as tart as the initial shock.  She held the remaining seeds out to him, resulting in a vigorous head shake of refusal.  Hawwah gave him a look, pointedly swallowed, and kept the hand out.
“Go on.  It’s not that bad.  It’s actually.... it’s good.”
“No, I watched your face.  I’m not eating that.”
“I was just surprised.  Eat.”
“No.”
“Look at me, I’m not making the face anymore.  See?”  She dropped a couple more seed in her mouth and chewed.  It was much easier now that she knew what it was.  “There.  I promise.  It’s good.  You just have to get through the shock.”
His expression remained uncertain, but he finally consented to take the seeds.  still, he hesitated.
“Eat, Adam.  I’m not going into the world without you.”  The young man sighed, bracing himself, and threw the seeds into his mouth.  Hawwah smiled, watching his face now as he went through the same experience.  “Thank you.”
“Anything for you... even that.”
Hawwah laughed, digging her fingers into the fruit again for more seeds.  They hadn’t eaten more than a dozen seeds each when they heard another voice through the trees.
“Adam... Hawwah...  please come to me.”
“It’s Father.”
The young pair looked at each other, Hawwah’s gaze dropping to the fruit in her lap.  It was time to go.  The uppermost leave above them were taking on a delicate pink tinge as the two of them descended, preparing to go meet their Father.
“Wait,” said Adam, taking Eve’s hand and leading her to a nearby tree with its wide lobed leaves.  “If we have to go out in the world... we should wear something like Father and Mother do.  If we’re supposed to teach people how they are, we should dress like them, right?”
“Yes, I agree.  Let’s hurry.”
It took them several minutes to pull off enough leaves to cover most of their bodies, and crudely stitch them together with long blades of grass through holes poked through with a small, sharp stick.  By the time they made their careful way, hand-in-hand, in the direction of Father’s call--praying the whole time that their leafy robes would not disintegrate around them--brassy light spangled the forest floor ahead of them and they again heard their names called from the east.  The patches quickly grew in size as a wide field opened before them and the sunrise beyond it.  As with Mother to Eve, Father stood before them, radiating his own golden glory that made the sun a more reflecting disk.  His brows were raised at the sight of them, an amused grin barely restrained from bursting across his face.
“Well.  Where have you two been hiding?”
“We heard you call us, Father, and we thought that we should dress ourselves,” Hawwah replied.
“Did you then?  I see.”  A low, mirthful chuckle bubbled up from Father’s throat as he turned aside so the two of them wouldn’t be squinting into the sun.  They could look on him alone much more easily.  “And who told you that you should do that?”
“No one told us.  We just thought... well...”  Adam couldn’t bring himself to say it, and Father’s grin softened in understanding as he nodded.
“You have eaten the fruit of the tree you were forbidden from, then?”
“Yes.  Hawwah brought it to me this morning and I ate.”
“You made the decision so quickly?” Father asked, turning to his daughter.
“Mother told me we were ready and that we were made for this,” she replied, squeezing Adam’s hand for reassurance, “so I decided that we should eat.”
Father reached out and cupped her cheek, stroking it with her thumb.  “Because you have been so ready to move forward, you shall be greatly blessed with the gifts of motherhood which you shall need in the years to come.  And because of your patience with Adam and your unwillingness to leave without him, I bless you with the strength of unconditional love throughout your life, deeper than you even now know.”
Hawwah laid her hand over his and turned her face to kiss his palm.  “Thank you, Father.”
Father turned to Adam, placing his other hand on his cheek.  “Because of your steadiness and obedience, I bless you with strength to help provide for your family.  Because you have been wise enough to listen to your wife whom you love, and follow her in her willingness to progress, I bless you with greater wisdom and ingenuity to help you solve the difficulties which you shall face out in the world so long as you live, until you both return to rest with your Mother and I.”
Adam bowed his head, placing his hand on Father’s shoulder.  “Thank you.”
Father pulled them both close to his chest and the three of them hugged each other.  A moment later, Mother appeared, joining their circle in the bright morning light.
“This is the end of your time here in this pleasant valley, our beloved children,” Father said after some minutes’ interval.  Hawwah and Adam pulled back, allowing Mother to move forward and stand on her husband’s left.  She took in their leafy attire with a soft, sobbing laugh.
Eve smiled through her tears.  “We want to make you proud.”
“We are, sweet ones.  We are.  And your instinct to dress to represent us is wonderful.  However, I believe I have a solution that is a little more protective and durable.”  In her hands appeared a stack of folded skins, which she held out to them.  Adam took one and handed it to Hawwah, then the other for himself.  “These are for you to wear as you represent us to the people you will meet.  They were made from the skins of young sheep and the sacrifice of those sheep is to stand as a token of the sacrifice which will occur one day in time to come that will redeem all people.  They are to remind you of who you are, and who we are, and to provide protection from the world.”
“Thank you, Mother.”
“Thank you.”
“May they always be a blessing to you both.  Remember how much we love you.  Remember that you were made for this.  Remember to speak to us, and we will speak back.”
The world shifted around them in a swirl of color.  The field lay far below to the west, seen in the distance from the ridge where Adam and Hawwah suddenly stood, alone.  In the hills to the east, plumes of white smoke rose in clusters across a vast landscape of rolling hills and rock formations.  Hawwah looked back over her shoulder, gazing down into the valley they had called their home for so many years.  Behind them stood a sheer cliff and to each side were crags and boulders.  They could not enter the valley again.
She turned her beloved once more.  Adam sighed, and gave her a brave and loving smile.  “Let us go forward.”  He lifted her hand to kiss it, and she smiled in return.
Together, they moved eastward.

Thursday, October 6, 2011

Found by my Inner Goddess



The past few days have been filled with a magic unlike any I have felt before now.  I may or may not write my whole experience, but I need to write about my goddess.  She looks like me, only perfectly healthy and sound. Her hair is long and full, her limbs straight and strong, and she walks with confidence, love, and compassion.  Her eyes are pools of wisdom and her movements are graceful.  She is not from this time or place, but from outside time, coming to join me behind my heart-wall to reassure me that hope is real.  She accepts me perfectly, wholly, and loves me without reserve.  She understands every pain and fear and doubt that possesses me, and in a language that does not exist on this earth, she has sworn not to leave me until I no longer need her by my side.  She walks with me, and whispers encouragement into my right ear, and meets me in my safe place to hold my hands and fill my vision with my own divine nature.  She is my future self, the one who has fulfilled her destiny, her potential, her joy.  She has no regrets, only acknowledges her growing experiences with gratitude.
I had looked for her in vain, trying to force her to materialize based on my own perceptions and needs, trying to follow the formula of another person who had found hers.  I gave up, thinking I'd never feel the real magic that has been described by others.  I wished for it, hoped for it, but never expected it.
She came upon me softly yesterday, slipping in through a tiny crack in my shield.  She is the only one behind that wall with me.  Her soft touch has opened my eyes to beauty and joy in my little piece of the world that was hidden behind clouds of rage, disappointment, grief, despair, numbness, and fear.  Her well of love and courage is deep and forever full and available.

I am not fully healed, and I do not know that I ever will be.  But my goddess is with me, and the deepest darkness cannot touch her radiance.  May my shield open enough to allow my Goddess into my heart.

Blessed Be.

Sunday, August 21, 2011

I have a dream

Alison walked solemnly to the table covered with the snowy white cloth.  Her sixteenth birthday had been celebrated exactly 8 days ago with the usual cake and ice cream, and her friends from church and school had showered her with little gifts.  Amidst the piles of sparkly shower gel and earrings and colorful notebooks was a brand-new lavender leather-bound set of scriptures with her name engraved on the cover in silver script.  She looked back at them now, sitting on the pew with her father and baby brother.  Her father smiled widely at her, pride beaming from his face.  She quietly smoothed her best church skirt, then lifted her hand hesitantly to the pristine fabric in front of her.  Her hand caressed it gently, the deep blue-black of her skin contrasting sharply as she followed the contours of the water trays underneath.
Alison’s ordination to priestess had left her humbled and awed at the feeling of power she had felt during the blessing.  Her mother and father had both laid their gentle hands on her head, though her mother was voice.  
It was her mother that she now went to join sitting behind the sacrament table. Organ music had started playing, and the murmur of people crowding into the chapel filled the room, along with the warmth brought by the extra body heat.  Alison could smell the bouquet of lilies sitting by the pulpit, its fragrance almost as heady as the sensations coursing through her.  She felt nervous, exhilarated, terrified that she’d get something wrong and have to do it again, anxious to begin, and fully happy to be worthy to perform such an important rite.
She took her place carefully beside her mother, and pulled out the card with the blessing typed on it to study.  She really didn’t want to have to redo it because of a silly mistake.  The bishop started the meeting and Alison tried to listen to the announcements and sustainings, but couldn’t focus.  Her head whirled with thoughts on power and priestesshood and the sacrifice of Christ as he knelt in agony in the garden of Gethsemane.
As the strains of the sacrament hymn filled the chapel, Alison and her mother quietly lifted up the white tablecloth and began to tear the chewy bread into bite-size pieces and fill the exposed bread trays.  The song finished, though the organist played an extra verse so they would have time to finish.  Finally, it was time.  Alison knelt carefully, and her mother slid out the microphone for her, and she prayed:
O God and Goddess, the Eternal Father and Mother, we ask ye in the name of your Son, Jesus Christ, to bless and sanctify this bread to the souls of all those who partake of it; that they may eat in remembrance of the body of your Son, and witness unto ye, O Goddess and God, the Eternal Mother and Father, that they are willing to take upon them the name of your Son, and always remember him, and keep his commandments which he hath given them, that they may always have his Spirit to be with them. Amen.
There were tears in her eyes as she finished, but she stood up composedly and helped her mother hand the trays to the young men and women standing reverently in front of the table.  She sat down, feeling drained physically, but spiritually on fire as she watched the sacred emblems being passed to the families waiting in the pews.  The deacons and deaconesses and teachers lined up at the back of the chapel, and her mother stood up, offering an arm to support Alison to stand as well.  The sacrament passers filed back down the aisles and handed their trays back.  The water was uncovered and Alison’s mother knelt and prayed:
O Goddess and God, the Eternal Mother and Father, we ask ye, in the name of your Son, Jesus Christ, to bless and sanctify this water to the souls of all those who drink of it, that they may do it in remembrance of the blood of your Son, which was shed for them; that they may witness unto ye, O God and Goddess, the Eternal Father and Mother, that they do always remember him, that they may have his Spirit to be with them. Amen.
The solemn young women and men stood to receive the trays of water, and Alison—not bothering to fight back the quiet tears that streamed down her face—passed them with a trembling hand.  She sat with her mother, and her mother embraced her.

Tuesday, August 9, 2011

What's in a name?

Some people may wonder why I call my blog Spiral Grove.  I’m certainly not the most hardcore Pagan out there—in fact, I still consider myself a Christian and a faithful Mormon.  The Pagan side of me is intertwined with the whole of my life, and my practice does not interfere with the core doctrines of my church.  It does, however, most certainly interfere with the culture…

I chose the name Dryad, because if I could truly live inside a tree, or communicate with trees on a deeper level than is possible as a human, I would.  And so I wish to live in a grove.  There's something about trees that touches me deeply--the solidity, the majesty, the green life that's there even in the dead of winter.  And of course, the tree is an ancient symbol of Goddess.  From the Maxwell Institute:
 


Let us now focus more precisely on the nature of the veneration that was paid to the divine consort among the Israelites. What was the "asherah" that stood in the temple at Jerusalem and in Samaria? Asherah was associated with trees.44 A 10th-century cultic stand from TaĆ¢€˜anach, near Megiddo, features two representations of Asherah, first in human form and then as a sacred tree. She is the tree.45 Perhaps we should think again, here, of the Israelite goddess figurines: It will be recalled that their upper bodies are unmistakably anthropomorphic and female, but their lower bodies, in contrast to those of their pagan Canaanite counterparts, are simple columns. William Dever suggests that these columnar lower bodies represent tree trunks.46 And why not? Asherah "is a tree goddess, and as such is associated with the oak, the tamarisk, the date palm, the sycamore, and many other species. This association led to her identification with sacred trees or the tree of life."47 The rabbinic authors of the Jewish Mishna (second-third century AD) explain the asherahas a tree that was worshipped.48

I identify myself as a seeker right now.  I seek to find myself, my inner core, my soul and spirit, to truly know the eternal part of myself that has always existed, and not always been housed  in flesh.  From http://www.catanna.com:
spiral symbol Spiral
The spiral is an ancient symbol reflecting the universal pattern of growth and evolution. The spiral pattern appears again and again in the natural world from the milky way galaxy to snail shells. The living spiral does not begin or end, it is an ongoing process of innocence, discovery, community, and the essence that connects all things.
My hope is that my spiral will never end, that I will never stop seeking and growing and evolving.  My hope is to become a true dryad to the great Mother Tree/Goddess/Heavenly Mother, while strengthening ties with my Father and Brother.  My hope is to connect with Gaia (as I am calling the spirit of the earth), and to feel that connection with all of nature and humanity so that I may further my quest to become a peacemaker, a force for change, and an empathetic and strong mother.  

Sunday, July 17, 2011

Is Her Glory so Unspeakable?



Oh my Father
Oh my Brother
where is my Mother?
They tell me She is unreachable
That I cannot speak to Her
You are my only divine connection
They tell me She is too sacred
That I cannot know Her
You are my only family
They tell me we know nothing of Her
That I shouldn't waste my time
You are the only ones I need to know
but my heart cries for my Mother
Oh my Brother
Oh my Father

Oh my Mother
are you there?
They tell me you are
That there's nothing else to learn
You are not there to answer or guide
merely existing?
Oh my Mother

Sunday, July 3, 2011

Likening the scriptures to my Paganish little self







Sariah 3:22-3

Now the Lady had shown unto me, Sariah, the intelligences that were organized before the world was; and among all these there were many of the noble and great ones; And Goddess saw these souls that they were good, and she stood in the midst of them, and she said: These I will make my rulers; for she stood among those that were spirits, and she saw that they were good; and she said unto me: Sariah, thou art one of them; thou wast chosen before thou wast born.

Thursday, May 26, 2011

A different kind of prayer

"Therefore may Goddess grant unto you, my sisters, that ye may begin to exercise your faith unto repentance, that ye begin to call upon her holy name, that she would have mercy upon you;
 Yea, cry unto her for mercy; for she is mighty to save.
 Yea, humble yourselves, and continue in prayer unto her.
 Cry unto her when ye are in your fields, yea, over all your flocks.
 Cry unto her in your houses, yea, over all your household, both morning, mid-day, and evening.
 Yea, cry unto her against the power of your enemies.
 Yea, cry unto her against the devil, who is an enemy to all righteousness.
 Cry unto her over the crops of your fields, that ye may prosper in them.
 Cry over the flocks of your fields, that they may increase."
From Alona 34

This is not how the scripture was written originally, but I've re-gendered it to bring it closer to myself.  Goddess is equal in perfection, power, and love to her partner God.  She is not a wild pagan idol, asking for orgies to please Her, or for debasing rituals to worship Her.  I know that much.  Is She a part of this patriarchy? Does She really sit in the background, withholding affection and love and communication because our institutions do not allow for Her worship?
I hope not.  I hope that these verses are valid the way they are written.  I hope that She listens and hears every hope and fear and dream and sob that emanates from Her dear children, and answers us.  Perhaps our hearts aren't open to hear the wisdom as Her gift to us, and can only accept that answers come from a loving Father.  Is it our fault?  Is it my fault?  

It's been said that our issues with Deity are reflected in our issues with our parents.  

But I have to go finish packing now, literally and metaphorically.  I have to tie up the loose ends of my life and time in this region, and prepare for a sojourn in the wilderness.