Fasting: the aftermath

My original post on fasting can be found on the Motherwheel blog site: http://motherwheel.blogspot.com/2011/07/new-moon-fast.html

I weighed myself this morning, and found that I had lost six pounds.  Fasting for a full twenty-four hours cleansed me in different ways than I was expecting.  I haven't done it in so long, and I've never given myself permission to drink water along with my fast.  It was the perfect combination, and this whole week I've been feeling much less inclination to drown emotional difficulties in food.  I'm excited about this new development, and true to my character, I'll probably try to go overboard with it and fast every week until I lose momentum.  Or possibly I'll just stick to phases of the moon.  I like the idea of fasting with the new moon.  It's a sort of empathetic connection--the moon hides her face and gives no light, no nourishment, and so I participate in the darkness by refusing nourishment from other sources until she begins to turn back.  (I am taking artistic license with this--I am well aware of the scientific realities of the phases of the moon...)
My phases, while not in sync with the phases of the moon, deserve to be recognized.  A true connection to the nature around me, with the spirits that inhabit every last molecule of this earth, is my ultimate goal.  I seek to know the Parents by fully embracing Their creations.  Fasting has become a surprising way for me to accomplish that.  I almost look forward to another day of hunger.  I just have to decide how often I want to torture myself.  I mean, cleanse myself.  ;)

I have insomnia, so..

Here's another she scripture.  Thanks for both of this week's scriptures go to Jenni.

Helene 5:12

And now, my daughters, remember, remember that it is upon the rock of our Redeemer, who is Christ, the Son of Goddess, that ye must build your foundation; that when the devil shall send forth her mighty winds, yea, her shafts in the whirlwind, yea, when all her hail and her mighty storm shall beat upon you, it shall have no power over you to drag you down to the gulf of misery and endless wo, because of the rock upon which ye are built, which is a sure foundation, a foundation whereon if women build they cannot fall.

When it's something you can't actually fix...

Finding serenity to deal with something huge that I have absolutely zero control over is starting to feel like getting my liver eaten out every day by a giant bird.  It's nothing that anyone can see, nothing that anyone can help with. The only thing I can do is try to find the serenity, the calm, the objectivity, the empathy to stop living it and start to let it go.
Here's what I actually want to say:
IT'S NOT FAIR!!! I HATE IT!  How the HELL am I supposed to just LET THIS GO?? When there's no end in sight, all I want to do is break things, scream, cry, and hide in a corner until it stops.  This is NOT what I signed up for, and I want to quit.  Time to start over.  I'm signing up for a different life now.  Goodbye stupid old life that is pissing me off and making me depressed.

Oh well.

Likening the scriptures to my Paganish little self

Sariah 3:22-3

Now the Lady had shown unto me, Sariah, the intelligences that were organized before the world was; and among all these there were many of the noble and great ones; And Goddess saw these souls that they were good, and she stood in the midst of them, and she said: These I will make my rulers; for she stood among those that were spirits, and she saw that they were good; and she said unto me: Sariah, thou art one of them; thou wast chosen before thou wast born.

Patriotism

Here's a good essay on patriotism.
http://plato.stanford.edu/entries/patriotism/


Here's my take on patriotism:
I'm not a huge fan.  I did 8.5 years in the military, and I would still gladly give to my country, or even die for the benefit of others (so long as my death meant something).  But I did 6 months of those years in Iraq.  I didn't feel like a patriot.  I felt like a liberator.  I was still fine with it, and I was happy to sacrifice for the good of others.  I helped make the country safer by helping to find insurgent fighters who were killing not only coalition troops, but innocent Iraqis every day.  Was I a patriot?  I don't know.  I felt more like an Iraqi patriot.
The point was that I was sacrificing for the benefit of others, because I could.  I had the skills and training to help, even though it was dangerous to do so and it took me away from home and family.  People thanked me for serving my country every time I walked around in public in uniform.  I appreciated that, but I also felt a little weird accepting thanks for it.
In this country, my concern for others and my nation (which happens to be whatever nation I am living in and off of) should be motivating me to be politically active, involved in food banks and other charities, serving my neighbors, etc.  That's part of the definition of patriotism, but I don't really care.  As far as I'm concerned, this whole world is a family.  Some of us are violent and misguided and horrible, and need to be kept from harming others of the family.  But is my neighbor's life worth more than a child in Southeast Asia? Or an old woman in Canada?  Or a young man forced to serve in the military in Romania?  No.  It's not.  The world might be better off withOUT patriotism.  Maybe we could see each other clearly as humans, and brothers and sisters instead of hostile nations.  Well, probably not, but I can dream.
I guess I'm not a patriot.  Excuse me while I go feed the hungry.

Paganism: An Introduction to Earth-Centered Religions By Joyce and River Higginbotham

Book review time!

I went to the library a few days ago, armed with a list of books I wanted to read about women and pagan religions and goddesses.  I couldn’t find any books on my list, but I did a search for paganism, and this one popped up.  So I took it out and started reading it.  In between nursing Sprout, cooking dinner, hanging laundry to dry, and occasionally sleeping, I finished it in two days.  I couldn’t put it down.

The book is divided into seven chapters: What is Paganism?, You Are What You Believe, A Pagan View of Deity, What About Satan?, The Living Universe, Magick, and Ethics and Personal Responsibility. 

The first chapter dispels myths about witches and paganism and the people who practice any of the myriad of religions that fall under the umbrella of paganism. The book is generalized toward the type of people who consider themselves pagans without focusing on one particular religion.  Some of the religions mentioned that fall under said umbrella are Celtic paganism, Druidism, Ceremonial Magick, Santeria, Voudon, Asatru, Shamanism, Eclectic paganism, Solitary paganism, Blended paganism, Wicca, and Family Traditions.  There is a brief description of each and its roots.

The rest of the book mainly focuses on finding what you believe.  It has exercises in each chapter—journal writings, meditations, group discussion questions, etc.—designed to help the reader find her way to whatever practice and/or religion fits what she believes.  There is a strong emphasis on personal responsibility, accountability, the sacredness and interconnectedness of Earth and all her living creatures, and ethics.  While different religions come to light in different sections, it gives a very interesting objective view of them and mainstream religions. 

My favorite part of this book is the emphasis on personal worship.  The meditations and exercises are designed not to ‘convert’ one to paganism, but to unlock what you truly believe in your heart and to remove limitations that keep you from practicing those beliefs.  The chapter on Magick compares spells and rituals to what other religions call prayer and divine inspiration—after reading the chapter, I agree!  Sending a thought or intent or ‘spell’ out to the ‘universe’ and expecting things to happen while going about doing everything you can to help it along is just about exactly the same as sending your prayer to Heavenly Parents and having faith in your righteous desires.  The authors even specify that if the inspiration you receive during meditation (or prayer, or whatever you want to call it) involves hurting someone else, or breaking the law, or hurting yourself, it’s not true inspiration and you should ignore it.

I highly recommend the book to anyone who wants to know more about paganism in general, or is seeking to bring more pagan ritual into her life but is concerned about the implications for church activity, or even anyone who is lost and looking for any religious or spiritual path.

http://www.amazon.com/Paganism-Introduction-Earth-Centered-Religions/dp/0738702226 (please go through The Amethyst Network if you want to buy this book, as they get a percentage of each sale:http://theamethystnetwork.org/  just use the amazon link on the right of the page)

Energy healing, anyone?

My mom has a reiki healer that she's been going to for a couple years.  The healer is a member of our church, and she feels called to work with healing and angels and has a prayer before every session.  My father hates it.  He believes she's working with the devil because she doesn't have the priesthood.  So I asked him point-blank if he thought women could have the gift of healing.  He said he didn't know, which is big of him.  I know he's a product of the patriarchal society that is our culture, and it's hard to let that go--especially when the church is also patriarchal.
So I've been thinking about this for awhile now.  I really do like the idea of people given the gift of healing--it's listed as a gift of the spirit.  So which ones can you trust?  Are there people actually working with dark angels out there, creating false miracles and drawing people away from Christ?  Probably.  I would like to find a healer that has a positive aura and radiates spiritual power that I can feel.  I'd actually like to BE an energy healer, but I don't feel the calling for it and so I don't think it's one of my gifts.  I know my chakras, or nerve endings, or whatever you want to call them, are out of balance.  I'm unhappy with a happy life, and faithless in the face of a multitude of blessings.  I don't want to depend on drugs again, I want to fix the root of the problem.  I think a serious and skilled energy healer would be able to help immensely.