I just watched my sister go through an amazing transformation. Over the course of two weeks, she focused all her faith on being healed (emotionally) by the Atonement of Christ. She fasted, she prayed, she went to the temple. And one day she woke up, with only forgiveness and compassion in her heart for her ex-husband who abused her emotionally, and the people in her past that had molested her when she was young. It seemed so easy.
I have a theory though--I think that those of us who go through the less obvious traumas have a harder time healing. We can't validate our own pain when compared to those with abusive parents or spouses. I can't compare my suicidal ideas to those of a woman who was tortured or raped. What do I say? "My husband was mean to me today. My siblings didn't want to play with me." Sure doesn't sound very terrible. And yet, here I am. I either sink into depression on a bad day, or have terrible and angry mood swings that affect my dear husband and toddler son. How can I reach out for help, when I don't even feel like I deserve it? I know that I was in pain for years because of the way I was treated in my family. My big, loving, somewhat chaotic family was probably not prepared for my personality. I can't even blame them.
Now I struggle with finding healing. I almost wrote 'healing myself'... But I think the point is to accept healing from the Ones who can actually provide it. I have no ability to fix myself. And now I have to get over the enormous obstacle of doubting Their very existence. Meanwhile, my sister is on cloud nine, and I sink deeper and deeper into the dark parts inside myself on days that just don't go right enough.
In my experience with PTSD, I had to learn and then accept that it is not useful to compare one's trauma with another's. Trauma is in the eye of the beholder. Feelings are valid. They deserve to be acknowledged, honored, and embraced before they are worked through or let go. This is what I have learned and helps me function. At the same time, I feel that I can be more sensitive to others who deeply feel the "minor" hurts by empathizing and identifying with them. I think that's how Christ experienced the Atonement on our behalf and I believe its a gift to learn how to feel it for others since it then encourages us to relieve the suffering of others.
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