And a barrier falls.

This morning, as I was looking through the page of sacred symbols to find a good description of how I'm using the spiral, I found the triquetra.  Now, I've seen it before in many places, but I've never given much thought to the symbolism of it.

 Triquetra
The triquetra (pronounced try-KET-ra, Latin for "three cornered") is a Celtic knot with a triangular design symbolizing all trinities including the Triple Goddess (Maiden, Mother & Crone); the eternal cycle of life, death, and rebirth, and the realms of Air, Earth and Sea which, to the ancient Celts, represented the entire Universe. To Christians, the triquetra has been used to symbolize the Holy Trinity (Father, Son & Holy Ghost) In fact, many cultures and religions have considered the number three to be holy or divine for millenia. A symbol of three interlocking circles looking somewhat like a three-leaf clover without out stem has been found on religious statues in India that were made 5000 years ago.


As I read this, my eyes stuck on the Air, Earth and Sea, and I felt a tearing sensation in my heart.  My mind flew to every picture I've ever collected of Ireland that I've gazed at in yearning.  About one third of my ancestors are Irish, and I've always closely identified with them.  I've wanted to visit and maybe even live there for as long as I can remember.  I tucked that dream away--not realizing how deeply it had embedded itself--when I joined the military.  Then I re-tucked it away when I got married to someone who had pretty much zero interest in living anywhere that he couldn't go snowboarding.

Earth, Air, and Sea

I took this opportunity to check the study abroad options for my school.  I probably shouldn't have looked, because I started crying and hyperventilating as the thought "this is impossible" kept running through my head, over and over.  "We don't have the money." "Sprout can't be away from me for that long." "Tree can't take care of Sprout by himself if he's going to school full time."
As I read through Women Who Run With the Wolves, I search myself for answers to the sometimes troubling questions that are posed.  Where have I broken?  When did my wild self get so suppressed?  Why do I struggle with cycles of depression and anxiety so often?  Why does the thought of going to school terrify me because I am so used to freezing up at difficult or lengthy assignments?  Today, I was able to answer myself with this: If I never get to at least see Ireland, a part of me will stay withered and dead.
I need to travel--it's my passion, my goal.  I have a wanderlust that must be satisfied in order for me to truly fill the space I have been given.  The driving force inside of me that points me to Ireland is only part of it.  Tree told me to try to make it happen anyway, darling that he is.  So maybe it is possible, if I can just believe it.
It's a good experience to realize something deep inside yourself needs to be fed.  I recommend doing it with a box of tissues and a pair of hugging arms nearby though...