As we near Yule, and
the turning of the season from old to new, dark to light, and cycle into a new
year full of possibility and opportunity, I want to reflect on this past
year. It has been full of so much
heartache and fear, worry and guilt, and stress that never seems to go
away. But it has also been full of
magic. I have searched for and am starting to find my Mother, my Goddess,
the other half of my Creator. I have
formed new friendships and forged strong bonds with those who think and
feel so much like I do. I've made local
connections with wonderful people in this desert land that I never thought I
could love. I have embraced my own
power, and I have largely cast off the fear of my blended path. I am making it work, and I am feeling
guidance in unexpected places that lead me nearer to Christ. An empty spot in me has started to fill with
warm and wonderful things.
My new perspectives
on the gospel have led me through some doubt-ridden and twisty paths, but I am
finally starting to heal my testimony, to grow a fantastic new one that has
room for all the joy and none of the guilt.
I am eager to serve my brothers and sisters, and I am finding the
patience to deal with flaws I find in the structure of the church. My perspective on repentance has changed from
one of fear of disappointing my Parents to one of pragmatic progression. I know my Parents love me and accept me the
way I am, and they already know my every weakness. If I walk too close to the edge and fall,
They will catch me and guide me to a better way as They look on in love and
encouragement. My search for passion and
authenticity is no longer a forbidden road that causes anxiety.
I am using my magic
without shame, and finding scientific explanations and wild speculation in the
realm of quantum physics to see the magic and possibility in everything. There is so
much for which we can hope and dream. The beautiful women in my area
that I have started to consider family have held my hands as I have ventured
from my safe and warm cocoon of checklists and fear-inspired
close-mindedness. I have moved from a
place where I cried in desperation to feel any kind of real spiritual
connection, to a place where I have found that connection in fire and water and
wind, in the voices of the trees around me, in the touch of the gentle hands of
an energy worker who has nothing but love in her heart.
The Sunday school
lesson on the pure love of Christ sinks into my newly opened and joyful heart,
and I run to share it with my dear friends who were not there to hear the
wonderful news of an empathetic and loving Savior who wants to carry us and
heal us so we in turn can heal those around us as we become sources of His
light in this world.
Many of the
hardships of this year will not be going away any time soon, and there are more
to come. As the moon wanes into the end
of the year, I will be purifying my heart, and inviting Christ to reside there
more permanently as I symbolically cleanse the anger and resentment from the
past year from my soul. The new moon on
Christmas Eve will be a time of new beginning, of self-love, of power, and
courage.
Blessed be, and
Happy Yule!
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