Two people, one body

If you've never suffered from depression, these words may make no sense to you.  If they ring true, you may want to look into finding some healing.

A day of relapse: I walk around, on the verge of tears.  It doesn't matter if I'm walking to class or playing with Sprout.  I could be eating lunch, or driving to a dentist appointment.  The moisture in my eyes is constant, the lump in my throat and the pit in my chest do not go away. There is a physical feeling of a weight on my shoulders and back, that bows me down and requires even more strength just to keep walking.
Why tears?  A memory, a flashback, an unkind word from a loved one... Or maybe just that underlying feeling that my life is worthless, my efforts pointless, my very existence a mistake.  The spiritual inroads are blocked, the feelings of joy or laughter have disappeared like a cooling, misty rain evaporates under a hot, beating sun.
I search for something to bring relief.  Only I don't deserve relief, so why am I trying?
The intense desire to curl up in a dark corner, make myself as small as I can, and sob or just crouch in the numbness, rules my thoughts.  The world is slightly darker, as if the bright sun has a blackened aura, and the shade is darker.  My shadow doesn't stream away from me, it clings to my body, absorbing light that would normally waken my senses and leave me subconsciously, quietly, content in the energy I receive.
Divine forces are absent.  Feelings of love and security are completely unreachable.
I can't protect myself enough.  I can't become invisible enough.  I can't hide.
That is my first person.  It's what takes over my inner self.  On these days, it reigns supreme.

My second person is what you see.  You might think something is off, and I tell you brightly that I'm just tired because my life is so full!  I laugh with you, or text you a lot of "hahaha" and "lol" to pepper our witty banter.  I smile and socialize with friends and classmates.  If other people are around, I'm an engaged and playful mother with Sprout, full of love and laughter.
I offer support to friends in need, and speak firmly of things that feed the soul.  I converse with family in cheerful tones, doing my best to respond with maturity and compassion to situations of disagreement or irritation.
I have showered, dressed in clean clothes, and go through the motions of eating.  I do my best to complete assignments or ask at least one pertinent question during a class where I am noticed and graded on participation. I seem to be present.

I seem to be normal.

I am two people, sharing one body.

For help, try starting here: http://www.ifred.org/