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| This. Is not me. Though I'm sure some people think I'm headed down this road now. |
Here is a short list of reasons why I just pierced my nose. I'm about to turn 30, and I have no business in a piercing parlor like some rebellious teenager. So here we go:
1. A stud in my nose makes me surprisingly more accessible. At least, I feel more accessible--which technically will change my behavior enough for other people to notice and feel more comfortable talking to me. People who would not have been comfortable talking to me casually because of my age or bland clothing or the carseat in the back of my car, can see that I'm just slightly in the black sheep fold and perhaps some cultural barriers can fall. This is my plan, anyway. The other option is that kids think I'm stupid because, well, I'm not a rebellious teenager with pink hair. We'll just vote for the first half of the plan.
2. I had to kill Molly Mormon. I had to break that attachment to and obsession with Mormon culture that led to so much guilt and fear. In the words of a dear friend, I had to "let what is holy be holy, and let what is mundane be mundane." Too much of my life I spent caught up in the mundane, giving it space on the holy shelf. So much time was wasted that actual holy things almost didn't fit in my life. I focused on the outer things like the cut of my clothing or the age I got married. My sense of worth was tied to the level of 'modesty' of my clothing, the level of shining star returned missionary whose hand I was holding, the clocked time I spent on my knees, how many children I could push out before I hit 30, and the clean and organized atmosphere of my home, complete with walls saturated with pictures ordered from Deseret Book.
IT. WAS. NOT. HEALTHY.
My sense of worth went down the toilet so, so, so, many times. On the outside, I was trying to conform to the Molly Mormon image, because I thought it would bring happiness, just like all the stories in the Young Women's manuals. On the inside, I contemplated suicide many times, and got close to actually following through several times.
Piercing my nose was enough to make that necessary break, and to free myself.
3. My clothes are boring. I can't afford to dress to fit my personality--I don't have the time or inclination to put in the effort that would take, and I don't have the money. I have a little smug self-satisfaction now because I know that at least a little of my personality is shining through--why, yes. Yes I am different from you, Sister.
I doubt anyone at school will ever care or even notice, but I sure will be making a statement in my ward on Sunday... :)
And if anyone in my family actually takes the time to read my blog.. surprise! hehehehe
I wrote this post after having a ridiculously long conversation via text message with a sister. This sums it up for the ones asking "WHY? It's so STUPID!"
ReplyDeleteBlogger ate my comment...
ReplyDeleteWhat, you don't want blue-fringed/spiked/whatever's-going-on-there boobs??
I think this post actually illustrates really well why I'm not feeling particularly interested in piercings or tattoos. I have run into the guilt before in the past (marriage, what?) and still some today, but for the most part I'm honestly okay with myself being "mostly Molly." I don't can foods and I find scrapbooking tedious, and heaven KNOWS I am not the best housekeeper by any standards, but there's enough of the typical Molyness naturally in me that it feels genuine. I think. Also, I've put enough cracks in the mold over the years to release some of the pressure so I can honestly pursue true righteousness. Again, I think. Who knows, maybe the temptation will grow for me later, but I honor your honesty with yourself and embrace it! Especially when no one deserves to die over not being a perfect housewife.
Oh yeah! I definitely have some of the stereotypical tendencies. I LOVE canning stuff, and I actually would spend all day in the kitchen if I could because I love to cook and experiment. I do take pride in a clean and organized house. I'm guessing my watery self needed that extra push though. I have always obsessed about things and have to take the dramatic path to let them go. Don't even get me started on my high school dating habits....oy...
ReplyDeleteI feel pretty molly.
ReplyDeleteUntil I look at myself in the mirror and see the no makeup, pagan earrings, no-products hairstyle, kids running around in just their unders/diapers, yadda yadda yadda.
I like the artistic nature of scrapbooking, but I don't do it anymore. Waste of paper. We have all our pictures digital.
I do sew--because I like to. I sew halloween costumes and witch's bags and cloth diapers and cloth pads and other pagan/hippie/tree-hugger type stuff. I did make one easter dress. Once. When I was 15. And my wedding dress--because I wanted velvet. But I don't make placemats or diaper bags or little dust-collecting crafts.
I do cook--I like that too--mostly because I like to eat good food. I can make a casserole, but I'm just as likely to make gourmet pizzas or thai peanut noodles or sushi. Yes I make bread--because my homemade bread is the only kind that doesn't make me sick, and also because it tastes better than the store crap LOL. I think it's valid to say that my cooking skills are about being picky (and poor) more than about being a molly.
I like sweeping (I feel productive when I see the pile!), but I dislike all other forms of housecleaning. ALL.
So, you know, I guess we're all non-mollys in some way. That's the real irony of it--that "molly" doesn't really exist except in our imaginations. The women who look like real mollys? They're on anti depressants.
I can really relate to all of this (see my post to you on Google+). So good for you! Or us, even! :) But I do plan on getting some ink and possibly more piercings...
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